I’m Sharmen!  And if what we talk about today whets your longing for more, please reach out to me through my website!  I’m a coach who walks alongside others in this kind of chaos every day!  I’m a bit swamped with individual sessions at the moment, but I’m using small coaching groups to help meet the need!  Check out the Identity Recovery Groups tab on my website to see if that’s an option that might work for you. I can open up more as needed starting in the fall.

I’d love to stay in touch beyond this workshop and help you keep walking well, even in the dark.

 

Learning to Walk in the Dark – a Boundaries Workshop

When you are lost, alone, confused, and can’t see because the world looks so dark and terrifying, you still have a life to live; a life that is a journey, which isn’t done will we’re face to face with our Creator.    You might not have power or influence to make the dark go away or to stop it from being so dark, but you can walk through it more steadfastly till the morning comes.  There are places…and ways…to set your feet within the environment you are living to function with sanity, clarity, purpose and direction even when the darkness is overwhelming.

The morning is coming, one way or another!  That is what God has promised.  Navigating the survival cycle looks like identifying your boundaries, not in terms of what you need other people to do, but what you put into place to walk in the dark.  This interactive workshop will help you map out where you are, and where you’re going, so you can find your way through the chaos without losing your faith or your sanity.  We’ll talk through common scenarios and how to apply boundaries you might never have given yourself permission to enact before.

I’ll lecture for a bit, but I really want this to be a space where we can be real and raw, with the goal to walk away from today having experienced a bit of breakthrough.  So, I’m also going to let this be interactive…  In a bit, I’ll start asking some questions and we’ll take this wherever God lets it go.  😊

Concepts to talk about:

The Dark:

  • control oriented people rather than connection oriented.
  • Groomed to let others tell us what to think – Taught to obey/conform, rather than relate
  • Trauma – none of this is what it was supposed to be, and the grief disables capacity to connect
  • Fear – it is all up to me to protect myself, I can’t trust God to see me or come through, and I don’t really matter.

Here’s a picture of the dark juxtaposed with the light:  A bit of Psalms 139 in context:

7Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?

8If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”

12even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

Even the darkness cannot disconnect us from God the way it disconnects us from other people.  More than anything else, our souls are CRAVING this kind of connection with God we see in this Psalm.  We experience him through connection with other people, but because we have a very real enemy whose number one agenda is to kill, steal, and destroy, our deepest traumas come out of disconnection and abandoned attachment.

Skills

  • Know who you are: A daughter of the most high king, created and called for such a time as this to know God, a connected knowing,  and reflect him in whatever space you’re in.
  • Learn to hear God’s voice! It comes with that conviction of “knowing” without the confusion of “wondering” how God’s voice fits with what you’re being told. The Holy Spirit in you will tell you what is true!  Jn 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.
  • Surrender both control of and fear of outcomes.  In other words, BE (show up, walk in truth, grounded and steadfast) who God is prompting you to be, let him use it however he will, and trust that he’s still holding you when it all looks dark.
  • Use other senses besides what you think you can see – God’s voice and the intuition he created in you, seeking truth and pursuing it, holding fast to guideposts that lead you to life (not death).
  • Creativity, the soul of resilience. Take what you’ve got to work with, think outside the box, give yourself permission to choose your steps

Questions to ask: Think about it, write it down, and then discuss.

Using a word or a phrase,  name character qualities that make you you.  What is your identity?  (not what you do, who you are.)  I am a conduit of grace and mercy. But fierce, not afraid.  An un-tyer of knots.  A provocative voice to get out of complacency, apathy, and lifelessness.

Think about your life now, what feels like the dark to you?  Be specific about what is going on in YOUR heart:  Physical safety, space to show up, ability to think/process/resolve in your head, belief system about God/faith. 

What guideposts/walls/markers are you using to navigate it?  (These are your boundaries!)

Think creatively, what are some ways of “walking” that you haven’t previously considered?  given yourself permission to consider? 

At some point you are being asked by God to walk this life WITH him (exposed and unashamed) or according to what’s right in your own eyes (hidden, carrying shame, guild, and condemnation.) His will for you is that you choose this day whom you will serve.  It’s about the surrender of your heart, not what you do.  He already knows everything you’re going to do.

Wrap up:  This is your life.  Some of it you have to radically accept as it is.  Some of it you are accepting without thought, and without direction or purpose.  And this is the space where God wants your heart:  To know Him, to believe what HE says about you and your identity, and to walk with him unafraid as you go through this side of the redemption story.

The Hope that is the anchor for our soul is that God has the last say.  Every knee WILL bow, every tongue WILL confess the truth, justice will be done and your heart WILL be restored to it’s original design as God formed it in the Garden of Eden where we will always be walking in the Light.